You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
