so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
