Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize