This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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