so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
