I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
