I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
