I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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