Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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