Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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