sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I supernannyed him into submission
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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