Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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