i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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