I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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