Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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