Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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