never play flip cup with pint glasses
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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