Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
