She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
