idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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