My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
