are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
