You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
