when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
