I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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