Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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