They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
