I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
