Me. At least after what I've been through.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
