the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
