3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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