i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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