Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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