Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
