I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
