How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
