I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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