I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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