the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
