I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
