Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
