You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
