My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
