This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
