I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
