Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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