vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
