Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
