I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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