You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
