I CAN MOONWALK!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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