someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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