i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
