i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Randomize
