i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
