did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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