My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
