So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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